It started at my interview. I was caught off guard when they asked how old I was, though I deflected with a joke about never asking a young woman her age and they didn’t push further. Soon after starting, I realized age was openly shared as a matter of routine as people included their age in company-wide introductions and presentations as if it were simply part of their bio.

Alongside this was a culture that normalized commenting on and criticizing the appearance of women, particularly as it related to age. There was a clear expectation that women make an effort to look younger, and on multiple occasions other women questioned why I didn’t color my hair or make more of an effort as they did. This expectation did not exist for men. I never heard similar criticism about greying hair or wrinkles when it came to them.

When I was tasked with hiring a new manager, I was explicitly told there were already too many women in leadership and that more “testosterone” was needed. This was despite the fact that the two top leaders in my department were already male.

We narrowed it down to two candidates, a woman and a man. The male candidate was charismatic, but he lacked the experience and qualifications that made the female candidate the stronger fit. I voiced my preference clearly, but the decision was made by leadership to hire the male candidate without further consultation with me, only notifying me of their decision after the offer was extended. Leadership cited his answer to a single interview question as justification.

After he started, he consistently failed to deliver, which created additional work for me and others who were left to pick up the slack. When I raised my concerns, I was made to feel like I was the problem for speaking up. Even when he missed meetings and other leaders took notice, he was given a free pass, often because of competing obligations related to his kids. That excuse was accepted without question. Meanwhile I was once told to work through being seriously ill because the company needed me.

This went on for years and despite the disparity in work product, ability to complete critical tasks and commitment to the organization and role, it became increasingly clear that I needed to leave the company. When the company learned of my desire to leave, they began to push me out, while making it clear they wanted me to quit so they could avoid firing me.

I retained a lawyer and negotiated my exit from the company. While I wish the lawyer had been a bit more aggressive, I still feel like this was the best decision available to me given the hurdles and unpredictable outcome had I tried to push this further. It allowed me to exit on my terms so that I could pursue other job opportunities.

Fortunately, there was no impact on my career progression; however, there was a significant impact on my mental health. While I felt the work that I did was valuable and important, it was painful to realize that the overwhelming dedication and commitment I demonstrated to the organization, its goals and my team were not valued. Especially so, because the level of dedication demanded of me had often meant I had been forced to neglect my personal life and physical health.

And while I feel fortunate to have had the financial reserves to carry me through while I searched for a new role, I recognize that many others who find themselves in the same position struggle financially in addition to the impact to their mental health.

Listen to your gut. Take early red flags seriously. And if you do find yourself in a difficult situation where you believe discrimination is taking place, document dates and statements made to you and by whom, if any actions were taken by the organization toward resolution and if those actions were appropriate/relevant to the issue at hand.

Always understand that in most organizations, HR is not going to be on your side, even if they say they are. Their main obligation is to protect and support the organization and its top leaders, even if it means pushing out a top performing employee at the behest of leadership.

And if possible, it’s always a good idea to have a financial nest egg. It’s impossible to predict when these situations will happen or what the outcome will be.

The stories in this series may have been lightly edited for clarity and format. All personal identifying information, including names, dates, roles and industries have been removed to protect privacy.