Not long after I started, I realized there was often a gap between what was said to my face and what actually happened in practice. For example, when I opened up about my desire to make an impact and feeling as if I was falling short with my manager, I had hoped my boss would work with me towards my goals. He initially promised he would, but there was no follow-up and instead I later learned he asked another employee: “Did she cry with you?”

Still I was open about my depression with more than one member of leadership over the years I worked there. I talked to a manager over lunch about starting new medication. I told another, over a Slack call, that antidepressants "work wonders." I kept a recurring calendar block labeled "Therapy" every week, on one of our designated in-office days, so people would see it. I wasn't hiding anything.

Initially I was thanked for my openness, but when the CEO found out I had the recurring appointment for therapy, he asked my manager why I would schedule a therapy appointment on an in office day, as if my healthcare was a personal inconvenience to him and others. 

I also experienced a difference in how professional standards were applied to females versus males. I was criticized for my shoes on a client trip, in front of the client, despite a business casual dress code and despite the client later telling the company she found my attire completely appropriate and was uncomfortable with the criticism. Meanwhile, male colleagues showed up to client-facing meetings in sweatpants and running sneakers without facing any criticism. On a separate trip, after I declined a drink, the CEO asked me if I was pregnant. I later reported it to HR, but nothing happened.

The moment everything came into focus was the day I was told I was being let go.

A little over a month before that, I had told my manager directly that my depression had spiked and that it was affecting my motivation. I was transparent that my hours would look lighter that month, while still committing to delivering on all critical work. I shared, because I thought it was better to be honest and transparent.

Five weeks later, without a single prior conversation discussing performance concerns, I was terminated for "motivation concerns."

It didn’t make sense to me. Yes, I had disclosed needing a lighter schedule for one month, but this followed a year where I had delivered more programs than any other person in my role, nearly ten times the average. Not to mention the fact that I received a raise just over a year prior, because of my high-level of performance.

I did not struggle with a lack of motivation or an unwillingness to do my job, I had a documented, treated medical condition that required temporary accommodation. 

When I attempted to point this out, my manager responded with: "Well yes, but…" before moving on to feedback that suggested I was no longer a "culture fit."

It was shocking given I had witnessed two male peers with documented performance concerns receive multiple chances, and here I was being terminated for a medical disclosure. 

For example, a male colleague was repositioned within the company four separate times over the same three years I was there, including being removed from a leadership role. His struggles were widely known, acknowledged, and talked about openly at the leadership level. The CEO had even told staff more than once that it was his "last chance." Yet, he was consistently moved to new teams rather than being terminated. 

Another male colleague, in a more senior role to me, told me repeatedly that he didn't know how to do basic parts of his job. Other people on our team flagged his conduct as unprofessional. Yet, none of it resulted in a performance plan or termination.

Putting it all side by side now, the pattern was clear. Struggling men got chances, patience, and repositioning. As a female, I got five weeks between disclosure of a disability and termination.

Once I realized what had happened, I started going back through everything, every disclosure, every conversation, every place I had been transparent when I didn't have to be.

I had already done a lot of things right without knowing I'd need to prove it later. I disclosed my diagnosis to multiple people in leadership, in good faith, because I trusted them. I kept working through my depressive episodes rather than disappearing or checking out. When a comment about my pregnancy status felt inappropriate, I reported it to the Head of People at the time. Though nothing came of the report. 

What I would do differently is stop assuming that honesty would be protected just because it should be. I disclosed my depression in a 1:1, in the way you'd tell a friend something hard. I didn’t request formal accommodation or put anything in writing, because I didn't realize I needed to protect myself with paperwork in order to be treated fairly. Now I wish I had taken steps to protect myself.

Professionally, it cost me a job I was good at. 

Financially, it meant scrambling to figure out what came next while also trying to hold onto extended health insurance, which mattered more than ever in that moment.

Personally, it meant realizing that being honest about my mental health, something I had done specifically because I trusted the people I worked for, was the thing that ended up being used against me. It is hard to explain what that does to your sense of safety at work. I thought that openness was making things better, for me and maybe for other people who saw it and felt less alone. Instead, they used it against me to push me out. 

Document everything, even the good conversations. Especially the good conversations. I trusted the people I disclosed my depression to, but if I could go back, I would follow every verbal disclosure with a short, calm email or message that puts it in writing. Not because I expect to be betrayed, but to protect myself in case I am.

If you choose to be open about a mental health condition, remember that transparency is not the same thing as protection. You deserve both. Ask, explicitly, whether there's a formal accommodation process available to you. Don't assume that because someone in leadership reacted warmly in the moment, that warmth will hold up months later when a decision is being made about your job.

And if you start to notice that the grace being extended to your colleagues isn't being extended to you, trust that observation. I saw a colleague get four fresh starts. I got one hard conversation and a termination five weeks later. That contrast is data. Pay attention to it earlier than I did.

The stories in this series may have been lightly edited for clarity and format. All personal identifying information, including names, dates, roles and industries have been removed to protect privacy.