Things began to change after I shared the news that I was pregnant, and changed further when I confided in my boss that I was struggling with sleep and depression during the first trimester. I wasn't asking for special treatment and I continued delivering my work as normal, but he immediately began telling others to treat me with kid gloves. I should have recognized then that he saw my pregnancy as a problem to manage rather than something to simply respect.

After that he began commenting on my changing body. On one occasion he said he liked my "canopy" and when I looked confused, explained he was referring to the way my shirt draped over my belly. He said this in front of a coworker who said nothing. It happened two more times before I told him directly that I did not like him commenting on my body. He dismissed my concern entirely, saying that women never like how their bodies look but that everyone else enjoys watching them grow and change.

I later learned from a former coworker that he also talked about my pregnancy when I wasn't in the room, saying things like "let's hurry up and get her the work before Katie’s grumpy and pregnant in the hot summer."

It was as if he had reduced me to a caricature of a pregnant woman and could see me as nothing more.

The moment that made everything undeniable happened after I had my baby and returned from leave. I was pumping in my private office, a space I had occupied for nine years, with a sign on the door to let others know not to enter. My boss ignored the sign and walked in without knocking.

He walked in to find me with my shirt up, exposed, pumps attached. He shouted a greeting, realized what he had seen, and began stuttering until I yelled at him to get out.

I felt violated, startled and completely shaken. I called my sister in tears. I gathered my things, cried my way out of the office, told a coworker what had happened and that I was leaving, walked to my car and drove home.

On the way home I called HR. I was so distraught I could barely speak, so we talked again once I got home. The HR representative assured me he would support me. He had already spoken to my boss and said all communication would now go through HR. HR told me my boss had seemed apologetic and claimed he had not noticed the sign as he thought I may have moved offices, which is why he was looking for me. 

It was never explained to me why he would suddenly think I had moved offices, or how he missed a sign that was half a sheet of paper taped directly to my door.

Ultimately HR blamed me for the incident, claiming I should have locked the door.

As I mentioned, I immediately went to HR after my boss walked in on my pumping. This incident led to my documenting everything else that had happened prior and I knew then I had been experiencing pregnancy discrimination.

After I outlined everything that had happened, I had a follow up conversation with HR where they asked additional questions including why I hadn’t come forward about the pregnancy comments earlier. I explained that I hadn’t spoken up out of fear that I would be labeled delicate, overreacting or unable to take a joke, especially because the person I would be raising concerns about would be an executive.

They also shared that my boss was claiming he’d only seen a bit of side boob. I knew this was a lie, but to be frank I also wasn’t sure why it mattered given the invasion of privacy and lines that had been crossed. 

I should have realized by the way the questions were framed that they were already looking for a way to place the blame on me, but I wanted to believe the HR representative when he said he cared and would support me.

HR eventually flew in for an in-person meeting. I expected it to be about resolving the incident. Instead it turned into an hour long session going almost line by line through the answers I had provided, which had been in writing. My coworker, who I had told the day I left, told me they had grilled him repeatedly about who else he had spoken to. They also questioned the coworkers I had named as witnesses to the pregnancy comments, but according to HR they were unable to verify and confirm any of it. The meeting lasted an hour and ended with no resolution.

The next day I reached out to HR asking why I had never received an apology. They arranged a call with HR and my boss, where my boss offered what was described as an apology. 

That was the same call HR blamed me for not having my door locked. When I pointed out that it also could have been prevented if he had knocked, I was shut down before I could finish the sentence. When I tried to raise the pregnancy comments, HR said they could not corroborate them so as far as they were concerned, they did not happen. My word against his. Nobody stood up for me.

The most disorienting aspect of all of this? They were simultaneously insisting that it wasn’t their intention to victim blame even as they blamed me and said there was no need for a formal incident report even though I was not satisfied with the outcome. 

I tried to stay for a period of time after all of this, but I was terrified to go into work each day, especially as they had left me reporting to the same executive after everything. Eventually I found the courage to leave. 

On my last day, while still finishing up a final project, I was asked to leave abruptly and denied the opportunity to say goodbye to anyone. It felt less like a voluntary departure and more like I was being pushed out the door.

Despite all of this, I still sent my statements to corporate leadership. I wanted them to hear my story in my own words and not just the watered down HR version. Proper pumping accommodations and training were not in place and I needed them to know that, even if it couldn't change what had already happened to me. It was the only thing I felt I could do to make sure it didn't happen to someone else.

In the weeks after the incident I was terrified to be at work. I didn't leave my office or lab area. My boss had been directed not to contact me, but I was still reporting to him. I did everything I could to avoid having to walk past his office or run into him. I had no windows in my part of the building and no way of knowing who was there, so this wasn’t easy. 

My mental health began to rapidly decline and with it so was my milk supply, which only added to my despair as I was desperately trying to maintain my supply for my newborn.

Since I left the company, the impact of what happened has been layered and ongoing. I have spent the last few years working through deep shame as losing my income and our insurance made me feel as if I was failing my family. I have a wonderfully supportive partner and we are still standing, but the weight of that guilt was real.

This was amplified by the isolation of having left voluntarily. There are so many resources for people who are laid off, but very few exist for people whose departure looks voluntary, when it was anything but voluntary because of a toxic workplace. 

Especially as some well-intentioned people didn’t realize that saying things like: "well, he didn't touch you," "just stop thinking about it" and "at least you get more time with your son" only made me feel worse. 

The rumination and intrusive thoughts kept me up at night and it took a lot of therapy to rebuild my confidence. This was especially true because I was facing an identity crisis also due to experiencing both a traumatic job loss and motherhood for the first time. 

Rediscovering who I am outside of work and learning to believe in myself again has been its own journey.

I realize now that the incident was the tipping point, not the whole story. I had been barely keeping my head above water for years. I was fighting not to drown.

Now that I am out I am so much happier and healthier. I can see that clearly in a way I never could when I was in the middle of it. I no longer dread going to work every day because I no longer tolerate toxic workplaces. 

If you can withstand it, do not quit. Document everything. Put it in writing. Contact a lawyer for advice on filing with the EEOC. Negotiate a severance. Do what is best for you.

If you do leave, give yourself permission to heal. It was the first real break I had taken in fifteen years and I used that time to slow down, invest in myself, meet people who lifted me up, and strengthen my relationship with my partner. That time was not wasted. It was necessary.

I have since found a new job with a great team and I am no longer afraid to go to work. I have found my voice and I am not afraid to use it.

I hope others in similar situations are able to find a way to do the same. 

Yes, Society of Working Moms really made a difference in my recovery. Being around other women who understood what I was going through really helped me and I know it helps others.

The stories in this series may have been lightly edited for clarity and format. All personal identifying information, including names, dates, roles and industries have been removed to protect privacy.